DEFLATING THE MYTH OF MONOGAMY

Infants have their infancy. And adults? Adultery.

The Nobel Prize-winning ethologist Konrad Lorenz used to recommend that every scientist discard at least one cherished notion every day, before breakfast. It is excellent advice (although Lorenz wasn't known for tossing away many of his own prized ideas). In any event, good science doesn't really require that its practitioners intentionally turn their backs on what they believe to be true, or what they devoutly wish were so. Tincture of time and the accumulation of new findings generally accomplish that: If we wait long enough, the world has a habit of making mincemeat of even our most strongly held ideas. The only thing necessary is to remain open to the evidence.

Case in point: the widely held view that certain animals -- notably the great majority of bird species -- are monogamous. Second case in point: the belief that females of most species, including our own, strongly tend toward sexual fidelity -- in contrast to males, who are known to have a penchant for sexual variety, if not promiscuity.

From "Deflating the Myth of Monogamy" by David P. Barash

A Message from John Cleese - British Comedian

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate a competent candidate for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

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4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

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6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

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9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be
referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

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13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen

Macau skies: flying monopoly or star wars?

We're not containing Macau skies, says Air Macau CEO David Fei

We are just totally controlling them, he could have said, as "VIVA Macau was not restricted in its operation, as long as Air Macau approved of where it was intending to fly.[footnote]" From linguistic point of view, this is probably one of the finest oxymorons an aviation industry representative could come up with while trying to protect his domination of the skies.

If civil aircraft were equipped with rockets, they'd be firing at one another right now. Luckily we are not into another episode of star wars, but this war of words doesn't lead Macau any closer to the source of tourists it needs and wants.

As Macau heads into a largely unknown, but hugely promising, future, first of our home-grown airlines does extremely well in two major areas: protectionism and ... golf ! Air Macau directors are continuously ranking among the best local golf players, while VIVA Macau tries to excel
in ... well, aviation business.

Beat up your own people, so the outsiders would feel scared! An age-old totalitarian dogma that nicely found its way into a booming capitalist melting pot that Macau is today.

Singaporeans should be grateful as they are able to put two of their carriers on a lucrative route, which could have brought a handful of benefits, and income, to all Macau airlines and Macau people. It didn't. The service is reserved for yet another Macau airline that doesn't even exist, if not on paper, not without the Air Macau's blessing.

Oh, we should have overreacted here. Why not letting foreign operators to take care of our business and our future? It's been done so successfully in so many sectors of our economy already. Why bother registering local company and going through the myriad of procedures, tons of paperwork, hassle with authorisations and the likes, when you can do better by just being an outsider? Come and take advantage of Macau economic boom! Why not? The local regulators will protect you from ... local competitors! They will indeed make sure that your "home-grown" business adversaries are well-groomed by prohibitive local bureaucracy and sufficiently sick and tired of their own labour blues.

Macau means money, it seems to have more money, than it can possibly cope with. It's all there waiting for you, just come and take it. The destination is Macau!

Footnote: Macau Daily Times, 06 March 2008