Telecom company ... without telephones

World-famous Hong Kong efficiency phenomenally fails when it comes to servicing Macau customers, or a Sad Story of Trying to Buy a Blackberry Phone from 3 Macau.

Blackberry, a nice smartphone neatly packed up with high-tech features, is surely not for everyone. It is so much not so that it rightly deserves a separate department within the Hutchison Telephone (Macau) Company Limited that occupies a dedicated space on the 8th Floor of Zhu Kuan Building.

It all started from a humble call to 1118 hotline. Somewhere down the line of enquiry for the mobile services the machine said something like: “for shh-Phh-shh service press ‘one’, for Phh-shh-Phh service press ‘two’”. Unaware of hectic telecom codes we went for the first option and the information about service centres locations assured that the office in Zhu Kuan Building is The Place that we needed and it’s open from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.

There we are at 13:15 having a break from busy work schedule and skipping our lunch to find out that everyone in the service centre has gone eating theirs. Luckily enough (Macau is a place of luck, after all), the busy telecom executive in charge hasn’t gone too far from the office and managed to have his way back to see his customer. Nice.

He is also The Authority for all Blackberry services and sales, the one and only to bring the magic of the push mail into your life. Cool.

That’s where it all stumbled though. The only information available for the customers was a tiny two-page leaflet full of sales pitches and NO information about the Blackberry models. Not even photos. Hmm.

There were photos on the Internet, of course, but the busy telecom executive didn’t have a password to his office PC, so there was a no-show. The product must have been scarce and the customers were meant to experience a golden rush for grabbing one before it’s too late! Another fine example of Hong Kong-style marketing success. Wow!

‘Do you have a sample in stock to take a look at?’
‘Oh, sure, my colleague has one, let me show it to you. It’s a bit used and scratched, but it’s a Blackberry!’ The customer’s heartbeat increases in anticipation.

Ohh, poor Macau folks have never seen one, indeed, so there was one. Well, you are the customer, don’t try to be right, you are wrong, and the telecom operator is right. Always.

‘Does it work with EDGE?’
‘Say that again? EDGE? Don’t know’. The customer shouldn’t have asked that, it’s so rude from his side to test the busy telecom executive’s competence. Sorry.

Off we go, or better, run away from The Authority trying to make up for the time lost for lunch. Meals are indeed important for intellectual professionals. They need nutrients for their heads to function. Fact of life.

The business card of the busy telecom executive gets lost somewhere on the way. Bad.

Another call to 1118 hotline, a day later. After going through a couple of minutes of irrelevant sales pitches and a compulsory ‘shh-Phh-shh’ and ‘Phh-shh-Phh’ thing, we hear a human voice. Earth is not controlled by robots. Not yet.

‘Can I help you?’
‘Yes, please. I would like to have a contact number of the customer service centre in Zhu Kuan Building’
‘Let me connect you to someone who can help’
‘???’

Half-a-dozen of PBX switches later and going from English to Cantonese and back to English, same question to another nice human voice.
The answer: ‘The customer service centre doesn’t have a telephone’
‘WHAT???’

‘If you request an information, you can leave your contact number and we will call you back.’
‘Fine’, the customer gives his contact number, albeit from another telecom operator. Bad luck.

‘Do you have another contact number?’
‘What’s wrong with my first one???’

‘Well you also have to give us your SIM card number’
‘…’
The Earth will be controlled by robots. Very soon.

‘Sorry ma’am, I cannot give you my SIM card number, even if I wanted to! I have to hang up this call, open my phone cover, remove the battery, remove the SIM card, write down the number, put the card and battery back and make another call to 1118 hotline … And how would you suggest to find you in the middle of the internal matrix universe … Do you have a direct line where I can find you?’
‘No, you have to call the hotline.’
‘And what about the ‘shh-Phh-shh’ thing, shall I choose first or second?’
‘Either will do.’
‘What does it stand for anyway?’
‘2G service and 3G service’
‘OHH, I see, that what it is’

Stupid customer, as only Macau customers could be.

A friend of the customer happened to have a mobile number of the busy telecom executive. Odds in customer’s favour. Cool.
‘Hello there, I visited your company’s website, but the model that I am looking for is not there …’
‘Have you seen the other model so-and-so? The one you are looking for is almost the same, with some minor differences.’
Very helpful. And very professional.

‘Another question, apologize for my asking, why your 1118 hotline wouldn’t give me the customer service centre number?’
‘[in Cantonese] something like ‘What is it that you want, mister?’

Well, nothing any more. Really.

Guess what, I am still buying my Blackberry. Not from 3 Macau. It takes less than 10 minutes to do that in some other place.

The 3 Macau wasted 3 hours of customer’s time over a course of two days. Simultaneous interpreters charge well over thousand patacas per hour of their time. Enough to buy a Blackberry or two … Sad.

Well, all is well that ends well. Here are some caveats:
1) Macau should adopt an anti-trust legislation. Urgently.
2) The customers should start recording hotline calls from their end. This WILL improve the service.
3) Hong Kong-style service is the most efficient in the world. Full stop.

Leo Stepanov
Conference and Deposition Interpreter

Published in Macau Daily Times, 08 April 2008